The Jerry Springer Show’s 10 most outrageous moments
Stop all the clocks, close down the browser, haul yourself out of an ill-advised 3am YouTube hole: Jerry Springer, host of The Jerry Springer Show, and reliable provider of the internet’s zaniest content, has died aged 79.
Springer trained as a lawyer, and even had a fleeting one-year-term as Mayor of Cincinnati in the late 1970s. But he was best known as the host of the titular talk show, which ran for 17 years from 1991 to 2008. Long a favourite of stoner video compilations, it was a snapshot of a more innocent – or perhaps, less politically-correct – era. An era when men were men, women were “outed” as men (live on TV), and the world’s most endearing hillbilly could demonstrate his “Kung-Fu” skills on shirtless audience members. Ah, the Noughties. Gone, but not forgotten.
So without further ado, here are Jerry Springer’s most outrageous moments.
1. Hillbilly Kung-Fu
David lives in a trailer. David has an accent straight out of Deliverance. David knows Kung-Fu. Sort of.
One of Springer’s most famous guests, David came on the show to air a common complaint: his roommate, Lil Wayne – nope, not the multimillionaire rapper (that would be too weird, even for Springer) – had been causing him grief. David’s solution? Learn martial arts. The problem, though, was his trailer park’s conspicuous shortage of high-quality dojos, so he took the logical route and mugged up by watching old Bruce Lee and Jean-Claude Van Damme’s videos.
Did this novel training regime work? Well, you'll have to watch the clip where David faces off against Lil Wayne on air to find out.
2. Stripper Surprise
Never say Springer didn’t keep it classy. In this notorious wheeze, he engineered a confession of adultery from a guest who admitted to his girlfriend that he had been sleeping with a stripper.
She doesn’t take it calmly and proceeds to beat her love-rat man around the head. Then, with the elan of Nero unleashing another load of lions on the Christians, Springer springs his trump card: the aforementioned erotic dancer is backstage – what are the chances! – and has a bone to pick with the girlfriend. As is customary, it descends into a brawl. But not before the stripper has exposed herself and swung on the conveniently placed pole inexplicably brought on by the prop team – I know, such a coincidence.
3. The One with the Mass Brawl
The Ku Klux Klan. The Jewish Defense League. A civilised airing of views, with Springer as “moderator”. What could go wrong?
You can’t fault Springer’s optimism: he invited the far-right Jewish Defense League – a number of whose members have been linked to political assassinations, especially targeting neo-Nazis – onto the show to talk to the Klan in a hope they might settle their differences. Instead, the encounter leads to pitched battle as one member of the Klan reveals he’s wearing a Kippah beneath his hood. (Yes, they’re in full costume – how else would you be able to tell?)
Punches are thrown. Chairs are used as weapons. The cause of racial tolerance is advanced for another generation.
4. The 100-year-old man who lived in a box
By the early 2000s, Springer had settled into a routine. Bored of organising pitched battles, he settled into avuncular agony uncle mode, helping the eccentric and the perverse find their place in the hurly-burly of the modern world. Part Richard Madeley, part Louis Theroux.
One such soul was the star of a 2001 show. Simply put: he was a man. Who wore a cardboard box. And refused to take it off. Ever.
Looking like a cross between an Old Testament prophet and a Life of Brian extra, Springer’s job was to convince his wife to take him back. It was a somewhat fraught proposition as he was a man… who lived in a cardboard box. It became especially vexed when the man took up residence on Springer’s set and refused to leave until his marital woes were solved. For all we know, he may still be there.
5. The Gay Proposal
The Springer show wasn’t all fights, tears and – ahem – iffy politics. In fact, it had its moments of brightness and joy too. Perhaps one of the most touching was Judah, a flamboyant man who sashayed onto the set under a giant blonde wig like a lion’s mane.
Judah then proceeded to serenade his boyfriend who was sat centre stage, looking increasingly like James Bond under interrogation by Le Chiffre. Judah’s rap – sample lyric: “ba-ba-ba baby boy, you know I love you” – culminated in a marriage proposal with the ring whipped theatrically from his pants. Touchingly, the baffled boyfriend accepted. Oh, Jerry: matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!
6. Stripper Surprise – redux
In Jerry Springer world, there wasn't much room for nuanced gender roles. Men, in the main, were lying, cheating dirtbags. Women, meanwhile, were lying, cheating strippers. His was an equal-opportunities moral vision.
In one notorious sequence, a stripper reveals she slept with her sister’s boyfriend. Things take a turn for the surreal, though, when the aggrieved sister reveals that this is a repeat offence – “But that’s the third time!” Suffice to say, the love rat boyfriend is unceremoniously dumped and the sisters come to blows. This culminates in one yanking a clump of blonde extensions out of the other’s scalp, and Springer is left holding the yellow tuft like an Apache with his prize. Happier times.
7. Dental business
Springer – and his audiences – liked nothing better than a gladiatorial slug-out between women. Especially if those women happened to be sex workers or erotic dancers (see previous entry – and well, 70 per cent of Jerry Springer.)
This particular incident was shaping up to be standard Springer in this regard. One guest confronts her adulterous partner who gleefully admits to sleeping with sex workers for the last decade. He’s an unpleasant chap. But he’s matched in maliciousness by another guest who flounces on stage, purporting to be one of those sex workers. She proceeds to taunt the wife before – oh, what are the odds! – getting into a fist fight with her.
This undignified kerfuffle continues until the sex worker’s false teeth fall clattering to the floor. Springer inspects the tumbled dentures with the air of an archaeologist discovering a new fossil (or perhaps wondering where that promising law career went), before popping them in a glass of water so the scrapping can continue. Ever the gentleman.
8. Life, death and the circular saw
It goes without saying that times have moved on since Jerry Springer was in its pomp. Today, thankfully, those who are transgender, mentally unwell or disabled tend to receive a little more kindness on daytime TV. (Well, at least they do sometimes.)
Not so in the case of this guest from the mid-90s. Sandra's legs were amputated at the knees. As she sat in her wheelchair, Springer questioned her about how this came to pass. She was upfront: the voices in her head told her to take a circular saw and cut her legs off. The crowd finds this self-amputation hilarious. And Springer can barely conceal his smirk – has she finished? An arm next, perhaps?
Sandra heads off to a fate unknown. Springer’s bookers clap themselves on the back.
9. Life, death and a set of garden shears
“He’s been stalking me for years, and I couldn’t get rid of him. And there was no alternative – I mean, if it’s not there, he doesn't want me…” So opined Earl when he was brought on to the show to explain his decision to cut off his manhood with a pair of garden shears so that his stalker would lose interest.
Neat, preppy and eerily calm, Earl didn’t look like the kind of man to make such a call lightly. But as was tradition, Springer didn’t stop to examine his reasoning too hard. Yet perhaps the worst part of Earl’s gambit was – it didn’t work. His stalker was just as keen, apparently. Ah well, back to the drawing board.
10. Honey, I married a horse
Meet Mark. Mark has been with his wife for 10 years. They have a normal, healthy relationship – yet Mark has problems with his neighbours. They don’t get on with his wife. That’s because Mark’s wife is a horse.
In later years, Springer claimed he had no knowledge of his guests before filming. So his surprise when Mark’s livestock bride is brought clip-clopping before the cameras is apparently genuine.
Still, while mankind has heaped multitudes of indignities on horses down the ages – making them consuls, mathematicians and beasts of burden – appearing on Jerry Springer takes the carrot. Watching the clip today, there’s only one response: poor horse.
